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[pedagogies]

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[pedagogies]

[ the memory spell could do that, but obviously qifrey isn't going to use it here. and inventing a spell that could do that would be taboo. not to mention he's not sure he has the skill for it.

but . . . it doesn't make sense then. ]

What sort of backup plan would knock you out immediately?

[petsthedog]

[Fuck it. He doesn’t even know why he’s resisting this answer so hard. Upsetting Qifrey prolongs his life, doesn’t it? He shouldn’t bother to feel bad.

…..]

you really want the answer to that? you won’t like it
last warning

[pedagogies]

I can deal with answers I don't like.

Tell me.

[petsthedog]

fine

it doesn't have to knock me out, is the thing
that plan suppresses my persona directly in an emergency
catch is it'll kill me eventually

[pedagogies]

. . . This is your plan?

[petsthedog]

emphasis on the 'eventually'
not like death sticks around here, and it'll take ages to get to that point again anyway

[Well, probably. Not like he's an expert on the biochemistry of it all. Whatever.]

that's why it was a backup, though
didn't say it was ideal

[pedagogies]

And how likely are you to use this "backup" plan?

[petsthedog]

you know there ain't a good answer to that
i'll do what i need to

[pedagogies]

Need to?

Are you not choosing to fight?

[petsthedog]

this place has already forced him on me twice, now
keeping on treating him like bad weather that'll pass is going to get someone hurt
he's part of me, and it's about time i stopped running from that

[pedagogies]

[ well. that's something at least. ]

Does anyone else know about this?

[petsthedog]

only what's been on sleepr already

[Aki knew more, of course, but he's been gone for months. And he's hardly about to stress Amada out about this.

...and then there's the guy he nearly flattened the other day, but they haven't exactly talked yet.]

[pedagogies]

You won't be fighting all the time then.

Perhaps when you wish to engage, contact me?

[petsthedog]

you're not listening, qifrey
there's no telling when i'll have to fight with all these distortions around
putting it all on your shoulders isn't practical or sustainable and i ain't doing it

[pedagogies]

It may not be.

But I can manage it.

[petsthedog]

no you can't
you don't even know if you really can stop castor without getting hurt, let alone sign up to do it repeatedly
i sure as hell didn't ask for your help as a friend so you could turn me into a project that takes up all your time and energy, fuck that

[He's this close to leaving Qifrey on read and wishing for the damn suppressants here and now.]

[pedagogies]

I've fought Personas before. Two at the same time. And I managed it without a single wound.

And this is not a project. You're undertaking a risk so you can move forward. Why wouldn't I wish to help with that?

[petsthedog]

out of control ones? with users that couldn't stop if they wanted to?
help is one thing, what you're doing is trying to take on this whole responsibility by yourself, and that's not going to work for me
you even think about what'd happen if these distortions sent you away mid-fight? i'd be up shit creek without a paddle

[pedagogies]

Well, I do think he would have killed me if he had the chance. I should think that counts.

Then it shouldn't be a problem to have me as a plan, would it? You'd still have your backup.

[petsthedog]

[....]

do i even want to know who you pissed off that bad

[He can't imagine it's Arisato, but he also doesn't know anyone else with multiple Personas.....yikes. There's a delay, then, and the next message is -- more subdued, perhaps.]

i still don't like it, qifrey
it ain't a solution

[And the thing is ... he'd actually -- wanted one, maybe. Wanted to actually try to take ownership of it, after all this time.]

just fobbing off my problem onto someone else

[pedagogies]

Probably not!

[ hm. qifrey mulls over this for a moment. ]

Do you think I survived this long all on my own?

[petsthedog]

[There's another pause in responses. It's exhausting, going in circles about this, but he's --trying, at least. Making an effort to be understood he wouldn't have even considered worthwhile, a year ago.]

everyone needs help sometimes, but think of it this way, if one of your girls had a problem you could deal with for 'em but it meant they'd always be relying on you for it, would you really leave it like that?

listen...i didn't care much when something like this happened last year, when i was just waiting to die one way or the other

i'd say i've made some promises since then, but it ain't about that, honestly
if i'm trying at living for real...i gotta find an answer i can live with

[He'd like to think Qifrey, of all people, might understand how that feels.]

this ain't it, so...help me keep looking, at least

[pedagogies]

[ well, his girls are thirteen and children so qifrey would hope so but.

he does understand the point. he sighs. ]

All right. I understand. I'll help you keep looking for a solution.