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[pedagogies]

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[petsthedog]

this coming from the poster guy for open honesty, right?
how’s your vision doing these days?

[That’s not fair, really. He knows it isn’t. But he doesn’t want to tell Qifrey about his last resort. He’s never told anyone here. He’d been foolish enough to start to think he might never have to.]

[pedagogies]

It's enough to see you're choosing to be cruel to blindside me.

[petsthedog]

tch
why’re you on my ass about this?
i ain’t pushing you on shit you don’t wanna do

[Because he’s gotten the distinct impression his request is a won’t and not can’t]

[pedagogies]

Because I'd like to know what you're risking.

And if there is or isn't a better way.

[petsthedog]

well carting you around to personally punch my lights out or whatever sure as hell ain’t it
and if there’s anything else, you won’t do it, so what does it even matter?
i’ll be fine

[Especially in this place, where death doesn’t even stick, and if he sticks only to emergencies it should be years before he even gets sick again, right? Much more likely this world will send him back to his grave first.]

[pedagogies]

Wouldn't it be an easier matter to get chloroform or something?

[petsthedog]

what, like in the movies?
next you’ll be tellin me to wish for a supply of anvils to drop on my head

[pedagogies]

I don't know what movies are but drugs that induce drowsiness aren't unheard of?

[petsthedog]

you don’t get it, man
there ain’t time to wait for shit like that to kick in
if i don’t drop like a rock on the spot when i need to it’s worthless to me

[pedagogies]

[ the memory spell could do that, but obviously qifrey isn't going to use it here. and inventing a spell that could do that would be taboo. not to mention he's not sure he has the skill for it.

but . . . it doesn't make sense then. ]

What sort of backup plan would knock you out immediately?

[petsthedog]

[Fuck it. He doesn’t even know why he’s resisting this answer so hard. Upsetting Qifrey prolongs his life, doesn’t it? He shouldn’t bother to feel bad.

…..]

you really want the answer to that? you won’t like it
last warning

[pedagogies]

I can deal with answers I don't like.

Tell me.

[petsthedog]

fine

it doesn't have to knock me out, is the thing
that plan suppresses my persona directly in an emergency
catch is it'll kill me eventually

[pedagogies]

. . . This is your plan?

[petsthedog]

emphasis on the 'eventually'
not like death sticks around here, and it'll take ages to get to that point again anyway

[Well, probably. Not like he's an expert on the biochemistry of it all. Whatever.]

that's why it was a backup, though
didn't say it was ideal

[pedagogies]

And how likely are you to use this "backup" plan?

[petsthedog]

you know there ain't a good answer to that
i'll do what i need to

[pedagogies]

Need to?

Are you not choosing to fight?

[petsthedog]

this place has already forced him on me twice, now
keeping on treating him like bad weather that'll pass is going to get someone hurt
he's part of me, and it's about time i stopped running from that

[pedagogies]

[ well. that's something at least. ]

Does anyone else know about this?

[petsthedog]

only what's been on sleepr already

[Aki knew more, of course, but he's been gone for months. And he's hardly about to stress Amada out about this.

...and then there's the guy he nearly flattened the other day, but they haven't exactly talked yet.]

[pedagogies]

You won't be fighting all the time then.

Perhaps when you wish to engage, contact me?

[petsthedog]

you're not listening, qifrey
there's no telling when i'll have to fight with all these distortions around
putting it all on your shoulders isn't practical or sustainable and i ain't doing it

[pedagogies]

It may not be.

But I can manage it.

[petsthedog]

no you can't
you don't even know if you really can stop castor without getting hurt, let alone sign up to do it repeatedly
i sure as hell didn't ask for your help as a friend so you could turn me into a project that takes up all your time and energy, fuck that

[He's this close to leaving Qifrey on read and wishing for the damn suppressants here and now.]