Even now, after all this time, there's a resistance to admitting it. To asking for help, rather than dealing with it on his own. It's still hard not to let it define everything about him, under the guise of taking responsibility, now that the issue has reared its ugly head again.]
what's going on isn't new to me this is my power the one i never wished back
[The reason he was so afraid to even take the blue potion. To have power at all.]
[He does understand, in some capacity, why a law like that would exist. When it's broken, you end up with situations like Qifrey's body, and the death sentence that hovers over him. Even so...going to Qifrey was the best option he could think of, short of going back to the suppressants. And he's owed it -- to Aki, to Amada...to Dolph, to at least try to look for an alternative. So he doesn't let the issue just drop like he might've before.]
you gave me the soothestone when i was sick how's that different?
[He is perhaps very transparently searching for a loophole here.]
[He hesitates. If Qifrey can't help him, is there a point even telling him the truth? It's shitty.
...No, that's just him being a coward and trying to run again. He knows some of Qifrey's most miserable truths, doesn't he? They did make a pact, once.]
my persona ain't always the most stable, is all sometimes he goes wild
can't keep pretending he ain't part of me when this place can throw him in my face anytime, though so i gotta find a solution preferably a better one than the one i did before
you can’t be with me all the time especially with all these distortions goin around even if you could i ain’t about to put that on you i got a backup plan if it comes down to it
i told you a long time ago i’m not interested in a babysitter, qifrey i ain’t askin you to break your rules for me, but in that case i’ll handle this my own way
this coming from the poster guy for open honesty, right? how’s your vision doing these days?
[That’s not fair, really. He knows it isn’t. But he doesn’t want to tell Qifrey about his last resort. He’s never told anyone here. He’d been foolish enough to start to think he might never have to.]
well carting you around to personally punch my lights out or whatever sure as hell ain’t it and if there’s anything else, you won’t do it, so what does it even matter? i’ll be fine
[Especially in this place, where death doesn’t even stick, and if he sticks only to emergencies it should be years before he even gets sick again, right? Much more likely this world will send him back to his grave first.]
you don’t get it, man there ain’t time to wait for shit like that to kick in if i don’t drop like a rock on the spot when i need to it’s worthless to me
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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could you make something like that which could knock me out instead
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I'm not sure. I've never created that sort of contraption before. Why?
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Even now, after all this time, there's a resistance to admitting it. To asking for help, rather than dealing with it on his own. It's still hard not to let it define everything about him, under the guise of taking responsibility, now that the issue has reared its ugly head again.]
what's going on isn't new to me
this is my power
the one i never wished back
[The reason he was so afraid to even take the blue potion. To have power at all.]
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Unfortunately, I don't have a spell like that. We're not allowed to create spells like that. Ones that affect the body.
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you gave me the soothestone when i was sick
how's that different?
[He is perhaps very transparently searching for a loophole here.]
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It would affect anything and certainly isn't enough to hurt anyone or anything. Doing no harm is a large part of our creed.
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harm is what i'm trying to prevent, here...
[Even to himself, for once.]
thanks anyway
i'll figure something else out i guess
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What are you thinking of doing?
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...No, that's just him being a coward and trying to run again. He knows some of Qifrey's most miserable truths, doesn't he? They did make a pact, once.]
my persona ain't always the most stable, is all
sometimes he goes wild
can't keep pretending he ain't part of me when this place can throw him in my face anytime, though
so i gotta find a solution
preferably a better one than the one i did before
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Why don't I just come with you? I should be able to knock you out then. I have some skill in dealing with Personas.
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especially with all these distortions goin around
even if you could i ain’t about to put that on you
i got a backup plan if it comes down to it
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I think it should be fine for a while.
What is the backup plan?
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[There’s a long pause after that last message. Then:]
don’t ask me that
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i ain’t askin you to break your rules for me, but in that case i’ll handle this my own way
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The fact that you won't be is alarming.
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how’s your vision doing these days?
[That’s not fair, really. He knows it isn’t. But he doesn’t want to tell Qifrey about his last resort. He’s never told anyone here. He’d been foolish enough to start to think he might never have to.]
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why’re you on my ass about this?
i ain’t pushing you on shit you don’t wanna do
[Because he’s gotten the distinct impression his request is a won’t and not can’t]
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And if there is or isn't a better way.
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and if there’s anything else, you won’t do it, so what does it even matter?
i’ll be fine
[Especially in this place, where death doesn’t even stick, and if he sticks only to emergencies it should be years before he even gets sick again, right? Much more likely this world will send him back to his grave first.]
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next you’ll be tellin me to wish for a supply of anvils to drop on my head
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there ain’t time to wait for shit like that to kick in
if i don’t drop like a rock on the spot when i need to it’s worthless to me
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